Sometimes
Do u ever get the feeling that you are all alone? Yes, you have friends who take u out to coffee and ppl to watch the chick flicks that no one else will watch. There is always someone who will happily hang out with u for the afternoon, all u have to do is call them. There are people all around and yet there are times when the world goes quiet and begins to spin around you. It’s spins and spins so that everything and everyone goes blurry and you find yourself standing in the middle like the centre of gravitation of a spinning top, whirling and swirling until finally it can no longer twirl and begins to swerve and dip before coming to a stop on the floor. I feel like that sometimes. It’s not that i have no one, i have so many people but i sometimes it’s as though no one is listening. I migh tnot say it all the time but i have my own disillusions with my life. I feel fat too, but i cant say that to people because being a size 8 means that i am not entitled to feel unhappy with my body. I feel lonely and single and i am afraid. I am afraid of so many things but nobody sees that. It’s as though i am this impenetrable rock, solid and always dependable. Unemotional and strong. Did u know that i cry sometimes? I cry because i am frustrated and i cry because i am scared. I put a brave face on because if i fall apart then who is going to be there to hold your hand when u need it. Who is going to take charge and make sure that everyone is okay?
Sometimes i want to tell somebody how i feel. I want someone to listen to me the way i listen to my friends and give me the kind of advice that i can actually listen to. I want to tell ppl what reall matters to me and i have tried but i feel that nobody is listening. There is always some other problem bigger, more important than mine. I dont mind but once i would like to work through my problems. I would like someone to sit with me and talk abt how i feel and why i feel the way i do.
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